‘Authenticity’ is a word you hear a lot as a life coach. Authenticity is probably also a word you hear a lot if you’re not a life coach. Be yourself – everyone else is already taken. Just do you. Keep it real. Oh my gosh. The buzzwords, the catchphrases, the clichés… they can really do my head in! Don’t get me wrong – they’re wise words. However, they’re useless AF if you’re feeling stuck or overwhelmed and the noise around you is so loud that you can barely even hear your own thoughts.

Let’s activate our imaginary noise cancellation to dampen down everyone else’s racket to become more in-tune with ourselves. Filtering out the opinions and expectations of others is key because once we start honouring ourselves in a more genuine way, life will become a little bit more vibrant. And when it does, that’s when we can start dancing to the beat of our own drum.

Authenticity Possesses no Right or Wrong

First and foremost, I’d like to remind you that when it comes to living a life that’s authentic to you, there’s no right or wrong. Nobody else in the world has experienced life as you. Similarly, we didn’t come with a rule book at birth. We arrived on earth randomly with one chance to make of life what we will. However, along our way, we were taught many things. Whether right or wrong, good or bad, we learnt things which have stuck. Most of us were indoctrinated with a lot of inaccurate ideas about life. Those ideas essentially formed us and the way we see the world. Unlearning these lessons can be challenging. But let me tell you this – although societal and cultural expectations are so ingrained they can feel more real than the smell of your own shit, it’s important to remember – they are not.

If you simply can’t relate to the way society, your family, your friends, books, or your teachers suggest you live your life, don’t beat yourself up. Going against the norm isn’t wrong if it feels right. (Unless of course you’re committing crimes or being generally nasty, which I think we can all agree is wrong). In fact – if you have even the slightest inkling you’re not doing life in the exact way that you want to, give yourself a pat on the back. You’re already onto something.

Just Let Go

Going against the grain and finding your own way of doing things can be a daunting process. But just like anything worth doing in life, being true to yourself takes practice. Most of all though, it takes some serious letting go. Letting go of the need to please everyone. Letting go of the fear of judgment and rejection. And letting go of the pressure to conform to societal norms and expectations. Bye-bye FOMO. You’re no longer welcome here.

Letting go may also mean giving up certain relationships or opportunities that no longer work for you. (Losing friends? Not being liked? Eeek! If you’re anything like me – that’s a terrifying concept.) But it’s important to remember that staying true to yourself is infinitely more rewarding than trying to please everyone else. Be prepared to let go of what no longer serves you and embrace the journey of self-discovery. At times it will feel shit and at times it will feel lonely. But what’s the worst that could happen?

Be Real – Say No to the Flow

By working towards authenticity, the word ‘no’ is likely to become more common in your vocabulary. This in itself can be rather terrifying if you’ve lived most of your life going with the flow. However, doing things for the sake of not causing a fuss is no longer an option if you genuinely want to find your own rhythm. By being honest and saying no to what you don’t want, you are essentially saying yes to what you do.

I’d be lying if I said saying no is always easy (even though it should be!) It might be out of your comfort zone, but that pure, unapologetic honesty is also the key to unleashing the most real version of yourself…Honestly.

Remove the Need for Inauthentic Validation

Fact: getting a like, a follow, or a comment on our social media can give us the same dopamine hit that we’d receive from doing something creative, helping someone else, or learning something new. If you ask me – that’s pretty messed up. The fact that we can feel a rush from the validation of a bunch of people who probably know nothing about our lives? That’s LITERALLY the opposite of authentic. Yet here we are, day after day, relying on the outside world to make us feel good about ourselves.

I don’t have all the answers to finding validation from within – that’s for you to discover about yourself. But I do strongly recommend putting your phone down and searching your soul for ways that you can acknowledge yourself. You’re probably fabulous. Probably. So do whatever it takes to start believing you are. Cut to the core and block out the toxic messaging that’s disrupting your flow. Be your own greatest influence.

Your Drum, Your Beat

When we embrace our authenticity and tune out the white noise, we can begin to create our own rhythm in life. We may find that our beat is different from those around us, but that’s okay. In fact, it’s more than ok. It’s wonderful. It’s what makes us human, and it’s the whole point of this whole page of rambling. We’re all different.

So, now it’s time to listen to yourself and start jamming to the beautiful beat of your own drum. It may not always be easy, but it will always be worth it. Let go of the need to please everyone else, say no when you need to, and remove the need for external validation. Remember, there’s no right or wrong way to live an authentic life as long as you’re honest with yourself.

It’s your drum and your beat – now go and make sweet music and dance.

If you want to learn more about keeping it real, I recommend reading ‘The Courage to be Disliked’ by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga. It’s an excellent read if you’re working on your authenticity!